When I uttered the immortal words ~
YOU CAN’T FIRE ME BECAUSE I QUIT!
~ and struck out on my own, I had big shiny eyes and big shiny ideas and big shiny hopes and dreams.
Hopes and dreams about how I’d be swanning around working from coffee shops and beaches on my Macbook, and buying ALL THE SHOES, and working for an hour a day. Sometimes. If I felt like it.
Because that’s what certain parts of The Internet would have you believe being an entrepreneur is.
You won’t be surprised to hear that’s not what happened.
Because that’s not what running a business is like. Amiright?
Feast to famine and back again
Instead I said hello to 18 hour days, goodbye to weekends, and up yours to my credit card company’s increasingly tetchy demands for payment.
That’s how I lived for a couple of years: hand-to-mouth, feast-to-famine, big shiny hopes to exhausted disillusionment.
And I thought: there must be a better way.
And I thought: freedom must be out there.
I mean, all the freedom I had back then was the freedom to work in my penguin pyjamas and eat Skittles for breakfast.
Well, I’m not There yet (wherever There may be), but I’m not struggling anymore either.
This isn’t one of those About pages where I tell you all about my rags to riches story.
I never had to wear rags, and I don’t have riches. (Or not gold ingots, anyway.)
This isn’t a page where you hear how I sailed merrily through the past few years getting more and more shiny and golden and never once falling flat on my face. (I did plenty of face-planting and learned plenty of lessons.)
This is a page where you get to hear my ridiculous story and decide if you like the look of me, and whether you’d like to write your own ridiculous story with me.
This is the tale of how I went from feast-and-famine business ownership to plenty-comfortable-and-growing-thank-you-very-much business ownership.
And it started when I turned my back on what everyone else was doing, and did something different instead.
What’s Your Mission?
My Mission, you see, is all about you.
I want to help business owners just like you and me to enjoy their lives more. I want to inject a little fun back into business and marketing (because dammit business and marketing should be fun!) I want to help small business owners be more fucking interesting (because there’s enough boring crap out there).
I want to help you worry less and laugh more.
Work as much or as little as you like.
Have time and space for the things you really want to do and see and experience.
I want to help you find the joy in your business and do your thing better, bigger, and more excitingly than ever.
These are all things I’ve done for myself, in my own business. They’re things I can help you do, too.
But first things first: I could give you my long life story, but let’s do the tl;dr version shall we?
Here are 24 things about me…
- I’m a copywriter, and a damn good one (I’ve spent years not just learning from the masters, but writing sales copy that gets results for me and my clients)
- I love, love, LOVE helping business owners be more fucking interesting (because if you don’t stand out, you don’t get noticed, and you don’t sell stuff)
- I’ve been pole dancing for nearly 12 years now (since before it got popular and after it came out of the strip clubs)
- I love my cats more than is socially acceptable
- Ditto cheese
- Ditto gin. I have more half-drunk bottles of gin than you can shake a stick at
- My addiction to buying books and shoes is totally under control
- My hair is rarely the same from one year to the next (I have a short hairtenntion span)
- I legit ran away with the circus (I’m a trapeze artist and I do actual performances on stage. I have the scars and bruises to prove it)
- I send an email every single day — and they make me money (I can show you how to do this too)
- When I decided struggling and working 18 hour days and having no weekends sucked big hairy donkey balls, it took me just six months to make my first £100k
- Random accomplishment: I can read and write ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs (although I’m a little rusty these days)
- I once made Drayton Bird scream (true story)
- And I once rendered Dan Kennedy speechless for a few moments (also a true story)
- I’ve been learning to draw cartoons for the past year, and I’m nearly competent at it (psst: it was so I could illustrate my own blogs, articles, books, and reports — ask me why)
- Once, when I was a teenager, I was in a band. We played at a pub, and they gave us free drinks. We drank so many free drinks, they cancelled our next gig and banned us
- Wrote my book in under 90 days (and now I teach other people how to do that too — and not crappy “filler” books, either — GREAT books that are really valuable)
- If you touch or attempt to touch my belly button I will cut you (it’s nothing personal, it’s a reflex reaction: google omphalophobia)
- Some copywriters will sneer at me for this, but fuck ‘em: I love words. Love them. Love the feel of them as they roll around in mouth, and the sound of them as they caress my brain. I love how they go together, of course, and the things you can do with them… but I love the WORDS
- Am learning patience through growing my own vegetables
- Have discovered that “nice” isn’t valuable or helpful… but kindness and grace will get you a very long way
- JFDI is my motto and religion
- Show other business owners that YES THEY CAN have the freedom and success they desire — whatever that looks like to them
- I believe success is personal: a million quid in the bank, or simply the freedom to spend time drawing cartoons of questionable quality, doing up a house, and running away with the circus
So, now you know lots about me. And if you get my daily tales of mirth and woe, you know even more.
I’d like to know all about you now.
Tell me your story.
Hit me up with your name and email address, and tell me why you do what you do: